Where do we even begin? With the sex video that co-stars a McDonald’s sandwich, or a mom’s scolding of a restaurant that recycles food off guests’ tables?
Those might be too shocking, so let’s ease into this week’s nightmares with a garden-variety worm report.
Crushing a two-headed rumor
When two customers of separate restaurants report the unpleasant discovery of something wiggling in their burgers, it’s time to summon the authorities. And that’s exactly what a McDonald’s franchisee did, much to his credit. Instead of reflexively insisting there was no way his food could have been contaminated with live worms, Kentucky licensee Michael Love investigated the allegations with the help of experts.
The upshot: No squiggling life forms were found in the burgers of Love's two McDonald's, as he was able to announce publicly with complete credibility.
The mystery remains of why two patrons apparently unknown to one another say they found worms in food served by two separate restaurants. But those stories ended with the news cycle.
‘Well, it does cut waste’
Transparency didn’t work as well for a Mexican restaurant in Michigan after a server challenged one of management’s tactics for lowering food costs. The dispute would have stayed private if the waitress’s mother hadn’t intervened by airing her daughter’s gripe on Facebook, today’s court of public opinion.
Kristie Bowie warned her followers not to eat in the Su Casa restaurant in South Haven because the chips and salsa left uneaten by one party were being served to other tables as a matter of course. Bowie explained that her 16-year-old daughter expressed her unease with the practice and was told by management that her dirty apron was more of an issue than recycling food.
It wasn’t clear from the note if the girl was fired or resigned.
Bowie’s public holler caught the attention of local health authorities, who jumped on Su Casa proprietor Edgar Suarez. He reacted to what amounted to a shrug, saying he didn’t know the repurposing of uneaten chips was a violation of the rules.
He’s owned the restaurant for six years.
A sour note
Not all of this week’s nightmares are stomach-turning, fortunately. Like Suarez, pop idol Joey Fatone got a lesson on restaurant management—specifically, on how not to engage the public before Opening Day.
The ‘NSync singer elicited screams of a different sort from his fans when his Fat One’s hot dog stand tested its fire alarm in anticipation of the restaurant’s opening inside an Orlando, Fla., shopping mall. Part of the test, for reasons that weren’t explained, was popping several balloons.
Shoppers mistook the pops for gunshots, and panic ensued.
The situation was brought under control without any injuries.
Love of fast food should go only so far
This marks the first time our weekly report on restaurant nightmares requires a for-mature-audiences-only warning—or, in the parlance of the web, a NSFW label.
The internet is a-twitter over a video posted by a lover of McDonald’s McChicken sandwich, and we do mean a lover. The sandwich is essentially a chicken patty slathered with mayonnaise, the key ingredient in our story. The man who posted the clip apparently saw the lubricating value of the topping and got his jollies with the sandwich, a smartphone apparently in his other hand.
Yes, he had sex with the sandwich, and we’re talking full penetration.
Amazingly, he posted the feat for all to see and marvel over, never considering that thousands may never view the McChicken sandwich in the same way again.
The true food porn has drawn hilarious responses on social media, including a shot of a burrito with the caption, “I can’t even look at it.” Check out #McChicken.