11 corrections we really should run

Here are fixes that would have been  wonderful to make, if only there had really been the need.

  1. The word “profit” was inadvertently inserted into a story about quick-service chains’ latest discounting binge. We apologize to all for the lapse.
  2. The photo accompanying recipes for can’t-miss March Madness bar snacks should not have been run without more bacon being Photoshopped into the shot.
  3. A story on so-called citizen reviewers misspelled a variation on the four-letter expletive restaurateurs frequently use to characterize a reaming from consumers with a vendetta. The sentence should have read, “Wow, they really Yelped us.”
  4. A recent story about a casual-dining chain’s newest menu addition failed to identify the chain. A quick menu review reveals it was either T.G.I. Friday’s, Applebee’s, Ruby Tuesday, Chili’s, Olive Garden, O’Charley’s or any of 23 other casual brands. Not that it really matters. If the product sells even half-decently, they’ll all be adding it.
  5. A review of recent Congressional activity mischaracterized the rate of productivity as the speed of a boulder half-submerged in a swamp with Chris Christie sitting atop it, munching a ham. Geologists have alerted us that such a rock can actually move fractions of an inch every half-eon or so.
  6. A photograph intended to show the grainy, pitted texture of a new peasant-made goat cheese from Spain proved upon deeper inspection to be a close-up of Keith Richards’ face.
  7. An older editor’s erroneous assumptions led to the incorrect use of a word within a feature on employment. Millennials have since explained that “twerking” is not industry shorthand for “teenagers working.” The editor is now grappling with the concept of “selfies.”
  8. The recipe for a Hogwarts potion guaranteed to boost restaurant sales incorrectly listed several of the ingredients. The newt must be free-range, and the Deadly Nightshade has to be locally grown, its source and grower clearly identified.
  9. Reference in a food story to an ugly potato was discovered to be a subjective assessment by the editor and not a reference to some cool new variety on sale exclusively in farmers markets. The tuber was just a two-bagger, in the editor’s words. His term for fingerling potatoes should have been omitted.
  10. A story on consumer tussles over Cronuts and other highly craved products in short supply failed to state with sufficient emphasis that those people should be medicated instead of fed until they get a life.
  11. In a column promising 11 corrections, we provided only 10. Though, technically, this would count as the eleventh.

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