Critics...Ya gotta love 'em

Restaurant critics are everywhere. In fact, anyone who dines out fancies him or herself a restaurant critic. Then there are the pros, the critics who critique for a living. News paper columnists, industry reviewers, and the world-renowned Zagat Survey team—whose pocket-sized surveys have become best-sellers.

Proud restaurateurs boast high ratings in the Zagat Surveys, waiting for their business to soar. But what about the unlucky ones whose reviews were nothing to boast about? The reviews aren't always pretty. Below are some of my favorite "outtakes" from the Zagat Surveys, one's the lawyers wouldn't let them print...

ZAGAT Survey Outtakes

  1. Suffers from delusions of adequacy
  2. Took a doggie bag home, the dog refused it
  3. Saves fuel bills-the heartburn will keep you warm all winter
  4. Body piercing-today's special
  5. Dishes look like road kill
  6. "Hi, I'm obviously underage. Margarita please."
  7. The immature eating the inedible
  8. Like a skunk, it's small, it's cute and it stinks
  9. The look might be French but the staff is Martian
  10. I can defrost better
  11. A petri dish experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong
  12. Better service in a self help gas station
  13. I'd rather sit in traffic
  14. If I want a fatty sandwich served by a walking attitude, I'll go to mom's
  15. The cockroaches are more energetic than the management
  16. Grandma cooked like this, Grandpa died young
  17. The old waiters are fresher than the fish
  18. Let the kids spill, no one will ever notice
  19. About as Chinese as tacos
  20. Gives health and food both bad names

Reprinted from Zagat.com


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