Dispatch: 911. What is your restaurant emergency?
Caller: My traffic is falling like a rock, my landlord wants a 25% increase in rent, and my experiment with hiring cadavers isn’t going so well. Could you send Batman or Captain America to help me out? I’ll even take The Hulk.
D: Ah, if only we could. But those individuals are under strict contract with their movie studios. Could we send you a fake-meat product instead? Maybe a faux salami or a plant-based slab of ribs? We can put a cape and mask on them, if that’ll make you feel better.
C: Huh. That’ll do it?
D: Haven’t you seen the news? KFC ran out of its mock chicken in five hours.
C: Sounds to me like really bad forecasting and supply chain management—I would’ve fired someone. In any case, I specialize in prime rib. How can I do fake meat?
D: Not a problem. Del Frisco’s Double Eagle is a high-end steakhouse, and its latest menu features a veggie steak made from cauliflower. Famous Dave’s, a barbecue place, is working on a meat-free menu. Read the papers, man. Customers have heard so much about these meat replacements that they’re dying to try ’em.
C: So what happens when the novelty wears off? Where’ll we be when everyone’s pushing a “meat” that has no connection to a chicken, cow or pig?
D: People will still be able to indulge in a burger or meatball hero without guilt. The health advantages won’t go away.
C: Are they there in the first place? John Mackey, the CEO of Whole Foods, told CNBC, "If you look at the ingredients, they are super-highly processed foods. I don't think eating highly processed foods is healthy." This is a guy who brought nuts and berries to the mainstream. And consumers aren’t stupid. A co-worker was shocked to find that Burger King’s faux-meat Whopper has only 30 less calories and just 1 less gram of saturated fat—10 in total—than the real ground-beef version—and it packs 100 more grams of sodium.
D:Well, there are still the environmental benefits.
C: Yeah, I’ve heard about those. But what are they, exactly? I’ve not seen the numbers. And I’m surprised consumers aren’t put off by these products being produced, not grown. These are not items picked fresh off the farm.
D: Look, all I know is that these things are selling like gangbusters, and restaurants are loving it because their customers do. They’re a rare bright spot for the business. If you want to sit out the boom, fine. I have three casual chains on the line in meltdown mode because their $1 cocktails aren’t pulling bargain-hunters the way they once did. Is there anything else I can do for you?
C: Any other recommendations for giving sales and transactions a lift? Maybe something with a longer track record?
D: Hold on and I’ll transfer you to our delivery hot line ...
Members help make our journalism possible. Become a Restaurant Business member today and unlock exclusive benefits, including unlimited access to all of our content. Sign up here.